To believe you either “click” or you don’t is a self-limiting belief. This can cause us to miss someone who could be an incredible spouse in the quest for a soulmate. We hit the road at the first sign of trouble. When problems or difficulties arise, we think “Well, this must not be the one. Adios.” Belief in a soulmate kills the motivation to work for a successful relationship.
Valentine’s Day was this past weekend. It has been one of the lonelier days of the year for me over the course of my life. Sniffle, sniffle [Laugh nervously] sob sob. But it has not been without its shenanigans either. When I lived in Virginia Beach in the late 20th century, one of my roommates Ryan and I went to attend a dressy Valentines party in Norfolk. It didn’t start till later so we decided to get a drink at place called Crackers in an artsy area called Ghent (not far from the party). We both ordered fancy drinks—I believe I had an oatmeal cookie martini and Ryan a special chocolate fusion one. So we were tasting each other’s martinis and telling jokes and laughing. It was dark in the restaurant. The waitress said something about is this your first valentine’s day together and we said “actually, yes it is.” We had just become roommates that fall. Pretty fun right? But then after she walked away we realized that she had the wrong idea. As we looked around we also realized that it was all men in this establishment, on Valentines dates with other men. Classic. The best part? This is one of my best Valentines dates. One of those where you have to laugh so you don’t cry. Enough of that. Such is the story of my life. Onward.
3 more reasons we don’t have a soulmate (the first 4 reasons from last week):
1. If we had a soulmate, this would suggest we are not a complete person on our own.
The message of needing someone to “complete” us is: You are not sufficient. You are not enough in yourself. This is a fallacy. Truth: You are a complete person. The one who allows your soul to come alive is actually your Creator.
2. Scientific improbability (Article: Science says finding your soulmate is almost impossible)
a. If soulmates exist, the chances of actually finding that person are slim to none. “In other words, you better damn well hope fate brings you together, because probability suggests you’re not going to meet this person on your own.”
b. “Let’s suppose you lock eyes with an average of a few dozen new strangers each day. (…definitely a generous estimate.) If 10 percent of them are close to your age, that’s around 50,000 people in a lifetime. Given that you have 500,000,000 potential soul mates (people around your age living in the world), it means you’ll only find true love in one lifetime out of 10,000.” I sure hope there’s not only that one person, somewhere in the world. Happy searching if there is!
3. Relationships are not about getting; they’re about giving.
“The “soulmate” idea suggests that marriage is all about me, that I need to find someone who understands me perfectly, who makes me happy. Instead, marriage should be about finding someone you can make happy.” –Eric Metaxas In the Bible, husbands are told to lay down their lives for their wives, to actually die for them. This is a far cry from searching for that one person who “completes” us.
So to sum it up: We don’t have that one soulmate yin to our yang. But before you curse me and shake your head at my unromantic-ness, I do believe we can become that one person.
Next week: How to become someone’s soulmate